Spring 2009 Fun
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Joke No.1
A man bursts into his house and yells "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!" She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"
Movie News
Michael Stone says go and see 'In the Loop'. If you ever wanted to hole punch a politician's face then this is the film for you. Top political satire by comedian Armando Iannucci.
www.timeout.com/film/reviews/86624/in-the-loop.html
The other recommendation is the best film of 2008: 'In Bruges'. A slow pot-boiler of a film with a wierdly enjoyable plot. A fantastic directorial debut by Martin McDonagh and starring Colin Farrell and Ralph Fiennes.
www.bbc.co.uk/films/2008/04/14/in_bruges_2008_review.shtml
Pearls of Wisdom:
George Bernard Shaw: A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
Oscar Wilde: When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in my life, now that I am old I know that it is.
John Maynard Keyes: The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.
Joke No.2
Late one evening, after closing time, an exhausted tourist knocks on the door of an isolated, countryside pub, the George and Dragon. The landlady sticks her head out of the window. "Excuse me, I'm lost and hungry, could you spare me a little food?" the tourist asks. The woman glances at his dirty clothes and shouts back, "No!" "Could I at least use your loo?" the tourist pleads. "No!" the landlady shouts again. "Then," the tourist says, "might I please..." "What now?" barks the woman. "Do you suppose," he asks, "I might have a word with George?"
Joke No.3
Q.Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage?
A.They've experienced pain and bought jewellery
Winter 2009
Without question the best ski season I have ever had. The snow kept falling & falling & falling & I kept going & going & going!
There is always more stupid skiing stuff:
The chairlift (this has to be a joke?):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJt36f4XCDM&feature=related
Great crashes:
www.metacafe.com/watch/480358/skiing_the_wrong_way
& more avalanche adventures:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=sb97dDJO3yM
Please note that nobody here is stupid enough to feature in any of these videos!
Joke No.4
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite
& Finally
A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST. So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers. Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades ... and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.
His answer to the question: "What chair?"